How to kiss – but how does kissing work actually? Do we need to learn it? Or is it a question of finding matching lips?
In this sin.berlin „How-to“-article we will provide you with some extra information about the topic of kisses and kissing. And on december 24th we will release a new „Sex in Berlin“-episode (in german) about licking, sucking and biting, lips, tongues and beards. Look forward to author and workshop leader Joris Kern, who is an expert when it comes to kissing. And Nike will talk about her experience at Joris‘ kissing workshop to prepare you for your next mistletoe meeting. Merry Christmas – you’re welcome.
So, let’s start with the first question: how does kissing actually work?
Even if most people might be thinking “It’s obvious how it works”, it’s worth taking a closer look at this sexual or even non-sexual practice (in this article, however, we want to focus on kissing as a sexual or erotic practice). Of course, when we think of kissing, we first think of lips on lips, and perhaps tongues are also involved. But we can also kiss other parts of the body with full abandon. And have you ever kissed yourself?
An important aspect of kissing is also trying to be in the moment. Kissing is often associated with the expectation that “more” must come of it afterwards. This takes us out of the present and often makes us feel and act hectic. But kissing deserves our full attention without the expectation that “more” should come of it.
But what if I still feel like I am not a good kisser? Do I need to learn it?
Although there are a lot of myths and ideas about „good kisses“, this question is about finding your kiss matches. The question of what makes a good kiss is just as subjective as other sexual practices. Whether it’s a lot of tongue or little tongue, a bit of lip-biting or absolutely no biting, fast or slow, wild or tender. There is also no such thing as the “perfect” lips for the “perfect” kiss. It is simply a question of matching preferences. And sometimes it may be a question of practice but just to find out what YOU like. It is also particularly difficult to move away from normative ideas and try something different. That’s often the beauty of sex-positive events and workshops: when they encourage you to think outside the box.
But: could it be that I don’t like kissing in general?
Part of letting go of hetero-normative ideas is also considering the possibility that you or other people absolutely do not like a certain sexual practice. As with asexuality or aromantic individuals, stigmatizing or invisibilizing perspectives can also affect individual sexual practices (e.g. penis-in-vagina-penetration). Kissing is also considered an indispensable part of sexual interaction or romantic relationships. But of course, people may not like kissing in general. No external pressure should be exerted on these people to necessarily like this practice.
Even in sex-positive circles, there can be a certain amount of pressure to try out as many different things as possible or the impression that you have to be extremely creative and be able to „perfect“ all kinds of “basics” and have good skills and techniques. If a person absolutely does not like kissing, it should be accepted and not questioned.
Do you still want to go into kissing practice now? Maybe Jori’s workshop is something for you? Find out more and listen to our episode with Joris Kern on the topic of kissing on December 24th and maybe Joris will welcome you to the workshop at some point?
Podcast „Sex in Berlin“
German Episodes: LISTEN HERE or on all other podcast platforms
English Episodes: LISTEN HERE or on all other podcast platforms
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